|
A TYPICAL WEEK WITH ALBERT Carved in the granite gardens of Bablystone, Albert is very old. He was formed from stone slab into shapely cement. A chip off the old block without a quarry in the world. Here's how Albert spends a typical week 2000 years on. Monday: Its a slow morning relaxing reading the STONE AGE , drinking soy rockachinos and mudcake with lashings of hot lava! Albert's rockcovering from a hard weekend. He's off to the Quarryman Hair Salon for a chip'n'cut and then perhaps a glacial facial for a bit of a treat. A street cleaner riding a fancy mechanical horse helps Albert polish his old Rockmartins. He gets a chubba chup for his kindness. Now he's wearing Slate of the Art footwear for the shingle man! Granny Greenstone and Papa Sandstone come for dinner. Wearing his favourite stone washed suit made by Gravel Road he serves them cement soup for starters. Followed by limerock stew, boulder mash topped with gravel gravey and petrofied peas. Granny Greenstone whisks up a lemon marble pie for desert. Pure decadance! Tuesday: Albert spends the morning updating my Quarrysite. Kids can now join R.O.C.K.S. "Royal Organization for Continuously Keeping Still". It's great for parents with hyperactive children. Lunch! Although he's not keen on fast food Mr Stone drops in at McPebbles for a Big McPillar, a Quarter Tonne and a Greenslime Quake to wash it all down. Albert has earthworks in the pit of his stomach all afternoon. I hope he's not McLiable for saying this? Wednesday: Traceys gravelly voice on a distant radio inspires him to write a wee LIMEROCK which he sings to himself all day! "With a Chip on my shouder, from the school of hard knocks. I was formed from a boulder into smooth flowing rocks. Now wiser and older wearing pebble knit socks. My mother, I told her, that Traceys a Fox! The day is completed by catching a flick, "Close Encounters of the Bird Kind" Thursday: Friends around to watch "3rd Rock from the Sun" on Stoneyvision. The Granite Awards are on. Sharon Stone wins best actress in "Basically Extinct" Best Motion Picture goes to "Little House on the Quarry" Afterwards they go for a pint of petrofied petroleum down at the local and drop in for some Kentucky Fried Pigeon at Cournel Sandblasters. Friday: Theres excitment in the air as he shaves the moss from his chin. A date at Eryers Rockery overlooking Albert Park with that someone special!?!. They eat Crustation Rock Dogs and Chissel Chips. Albert met her at geology class. After discussing the "Fine Art of Mining" by Doug Stone they agree to meet next year. Best not to rush these things. Saturday: Albert lives in a cosy little stone house at the of White Quartz Road in the goldfields of Central Victoria, Australia. On Saturdays he sometimes set up office in the middle of Bourke Street Mall. The people of Melbourne say he blends in nicely with the paving. Professor Rockipillar comes to INTERVIEW him. Sunday: Sundays are spent at sunny Southgate. Performing there all day in his slow and stoney way. Nose to the grindstone he quakes into inaction. Albert gives out roses, blows bubbles and steals kisses hoping someone will turn to stone so they can live happily ever after. A photographer even takes some pictures of the days events... see opposite. Feeling eroded at the end of the weekend he returns home, slips into his boulder bath and soaks away his quarries. |
